How Can I Be Alone in a Crowd?

 Nina Simone - "Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood"

I was surfing the web today, and I ran across a quote that put my thoughts, feeling and emotions into words. I feel like the author was writing from my very own heart and soul. The quote let me know my situation is not unique, and give me hope that a least one other person understands my pain. The quote reads as follows:

 "With a small twist of the lips, you think I'm happy, you think that I'm OK. But I'm the farthest thing from it. As I sit alone in my room each night, I cry lonely tears, wishing desperately to be happy once more. But I know that I'm scared. Scared to be happy. Scared because I don't know what it's like to smile, or to laugh a genuine laugh, for those forced gasps of air can hardly be called laughing. I run the blade against my wrists, watching the crimson blood pour out..."

Recently, I've been going through a lot changes. Circumstance have forced me to grow, and seek out who I truly am. I just feel some kind of way right now. I'm not so sure what my feelings are, what they mean or how to deal with them, but I know I can't control them. I can only control my reactions. So I handle life along with all the emotions that comes with it the best way I know how.  I guess my coping mechanisms may rub some people the wrong way. I'm letting the world know that I would never, or ever will I hurt anyone because I know exactly how that feels. I'm most definitely not in the business to hurt others. All I know is that the combination of my feelings and my actions have created a wealth of misunderstanding that has left me in lonely place. I just wish I wasn't so misunderstood.